Acceptance Speech

Thank you, folks. Really, you're too kind. Well, I think you're pretty special too. It's great to be here with all you nice people. For those of you who hadn't heard, I recently appeared on the non-televised TV game show, "Who Wants to Blog?" and I won! Hooray for me, I know. And hip-hop-hooray for you. Now that I'm here, enjoying the spoils of my big-blog victory, I can throw in my three pence and finally contribute to the ongoing dialogue in hopes of doing my part to address our society's most pressing issue: the state of grocery store cart wheels. And while I'm at it, I might take on perfectly executed hands-free phone round-offs as well. No boundaries here my friends. You may be asking yourself, "You buggin? Why you be bloggin'? What crocus-dusted wisdom canst thou parry in this, our most desperate hour?" Fair questions all. Truthfully, blogging seems to be the most productive form of procrastination out there, so I'll give it the prototypical college try. A feller much wiser than myself may have said it best when he opined, "Wave of the future, Dude: 100 percent electronic." On that note, I can't promise much if you read my blog, aside from guaranteeing* with 101% certainty (+/- 1%) that the tumor on your neck will shrink while your bank accounts swell. If I may, I'll don my wishful-thinking-laden prognosticator's pinstriped cloak for a moment and proffer that perhaps you'll even have a tolerable time peering into the sublimely-cluttered contents of my mind. In any event, you could see quite the clash betwixt myself and the estates of several prominent poets, respectfully requesting that I cease and desist from electronically duplicating copyrighted material. Do you want to see me litigated a little? Huh? Yeah? You hear that, Mr. John Q. Harvard Law School, Esquire? Come get me! So grab yourself a nice and cool bottle of Existential Orange-flavored Jones Soda, assume an extremely uncomfortable position, insert 50 Canadian cents into the floppy disk drive of your computer, hit snooze on ye olde alarm, and enjoy the show.

*Guranteatree-oil chewing sticks free with any purchase. Cash value: inverted 8. By the way, this ain't no guarantee.